I love trying to figure out new ways to make myself and my family happier. The only reason I find that people are not trying new things is fear of failure. Fear of failure is becoming an epidemic, but failing the family is the biggest fear of them all. No one lies on their deathbed wishing they had spent more time in the office, but when you’re greeted with a distanced and ungrateful family after work hours, the office seems like a pretty great place to be. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a happy family and an amazing career. It is possible and here are 8 tips to improve the peace and stability in your household.
- Listen.
Our first instinct is to fix problems, but if your child makes an offhanded comment about an issue in their life, put your Mr. Fix-It on hold for a moment. Sometimes your children just need to vent. Often, if given the opportunity, they’ll work out a solution on their own. Your job is to listen, support them, and trust them. Despite its title, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R. Covey, it is full of excellent parenting advice to help you listen to your children and guide them without controlling. It is one of my favorite books to help address the desire for improvement in both professional and personal effectiveness. Before you can adopt the seven habits, you’ll need to accomplish what Covey calls a “paradigm shift”–a change in perception and interpretation of how the world works. Covey takes you through this change, which affects how you perceive and act regarding productivity, time management, positive thinking, and much more. This isn’t a read today and fix tomorrow ind of book as the concepts are sometimes intricate, and you’ll want to study this book, not rush through it.
- Eat dinner together without screens.
Make this a sacred ritual. We started this a few years ago, starting with our worst offender, myself, and it has been amazing what a difference it makes. It doesn’t matter if you order take out in a hurry or if you all cook, make sure you eat together – screen free. You and your family need time to connect and share the events of your days.
- Share the responsibility.
If your child thinks they’re a slave to continuously taking out the garbage every Tuesday night without say or willpower, that toxicity is going to reflect in your relationship. It’s important that your children (sort of) understand your life and stresses. It’s okay to share with them. Children often want to help, but they hate being told what to do. When you share the responsibility of maintaining the home, your child will be empowered that you trust them, instead of feeling like the help. In our family, we created a family chore wheel where we turn the wheel each week and each family members has new chores for the next week and this weekly change has definitely made us a more happy family.
- Do activities together.
Ask for and incorporate everyone’s input. Not everyone will suggest the same activity, but you should be able to come to a consensus everyone can agree on. Activities like bowling, hiking, Frisbee golfing, or board game night are all good places to start.
- You aren’t a general.
Understand that you cannot force things to happen in your home. Your best tactic is to be open and honest with your family. Everyone’s opinions, no matter where they fall on the food chain, need to be respected. This needs to be mutual too. Let your children and spouse know that you respect their opinions and want their feedback, but you also ask they listen to you too.
- Never fight in front of the kids.
It’s normal and healthy to have a disagreement with your spouse, but if you only follow one of these tips, make it this one. Your children should never become bargaining chips or judge and jury to your feuds. Even if you disagree, stand by each others’ side and later discuss the issue in private.
- Remember the piggy bank.
This is the theory that every interaction you have with another person either adds to or withdraws relationship currency from your piggy bank. Make sure that you keep a positive balance to preserve your relationships.
- Don’t expect change to happen overnight.
You can start to do all of these, but it might take months before it even looks like you’re making progress, so you need to be consistent. Don’t give up too early and remember that what you put in is what you get out.
Keeping peace in the home isn’t easy, but when done properly, the payoffs for a happy family are more than worthwhile. Do you have other tips to share for your happy family success or questions? I’d love to hear from you!
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