Prioritizing the Blurred Lines of Our Daily Lives

Balancing family and work has always been hard, but COVID-19 has made it seem next to impossible. If you’re a working parent like I am, the lines between work and home are suddenly so blurred we can’t even see which is which anymore. Even if you’re single, or married without kids, your life is abruptly different. If you’re looking for how to prioritize everything in such a strange time, I’ve got some ideas for you. 

Feel it all. 

If you’re like me, you’re probably a bit emotionally fragile. It’s ok to admit it. We’re all absorbing loads of stressful information and unprecedented life circumstances; it’s normal to feel like you want to pull your hair out, cry, or just quit. Instead of avoiding these feelings, lean into them. There’s a saying that goes, “to heal it, you have to feel it” and I’ve found it to be true. Give yourself permission to be mad, be sad, and feel hopeless. Eventually, the feelings won’t be as strong and you can pick yourself up and get to work. 

Make time to gain clarity. 

When you’re on back-to-back Zoom meetings, and simultaneously trying to make lunch for your (picky) 13-year-old, and cleaning up the paint your kindergartener spilled on the couch, you’re not able to think clearly. It’s impossible. So don’t expect to make stellar decisions or magically know how to prioritize everything if you’re not stopping to give such things the time and brain space they deserve. 

Instead, carve out alone time for processing your to-do list. This should be pretty easy for people without kids, but even parents can make it happen. Set aside 10 or 15 minutes by yourself after the kids go to bed or before they wake up. Sit quietly. Write down everything you have on your plate. This should include everything from household chores to work responsibilities to parenting duties to maintaining social connections with your friends and family – and beyond. Get detailed. 

Then, go through the list. Assign numbers one through three for each of the items, as follows:

• Number ones are essential priorities; they must happen or you and your family will not survive (or not survive well). This would be buying food, making meals, taking care of yourself and the others in your home, and so forth. Taking care of your mental health should be included in this as well, because it’s crucial to yours and your family’s wellbeing. 
• Number twos are pretty important. They should encompass things like getting work done, helping your kids get schoolwork done, paying essential bills and keeping the house clean. 
• Number threes are things you want, but aren’t critical. They probably include keeping in touch with friends, organizing your kids’ rooms, training your dog, making a photo album, etc. Of course, an argument can certainly be made that communicating with loved ones is a top priority, so that’s why this is your list to go through and place value and urgency throughout as you see fit. 

Once you have your list finished, think about how well your days are mirroring your priorities. Have you been reading a book or scrolling through social media when you should have been getting work done? Are you doing pet projects around the house, when you could instead spend your time exercising or meditating? Having some time alone to write everything out and think all of this through can bring clarity and guide you in how to prioritize everything you need to do. 

Seek out quick wins. 

Finally, this is the time to stop being so hard on yourself. Usually, I’m a big fan of pushing your limits and challenging yourself to improve every day. But, right now? It’s about survival. Balancing family and work is already a challenge, so celebrate the little things. 

Let’s say prior to the new coronavirus, you used to meditate in the morning and get in an hour-long session at the gym before the kids were awake. Your gym is closed and today, your kids woke up earlier than planned so you couldn’t meditate. When all was said and done, the only workout you could squeeze in were some calf raises you did while washing dishes. Take it, and embrace it. Let yourself feel good about getting a little bit of a workout in. It’s better than nothing, right? 

Or maybe your work is really intense and requires a lot of focus. You’re using your noise-canceling headphones and shutting the door to your bedroom, but somehow you still hear your kids playing (or yelling) and are distracted by your view of a construction crew doing work in your neighborhood. In the world of pre-COVID-19, you would’ve gotten a 10-page report done in two days. Now, you’re struggling to get through two pages in the same timeframe. Give yourself grace. See if you can have a little more time with the project, and do your best. It’s really all any of us can do right now and if you got something done, you’re doing well. 

It’s hard to know exactly how to prioritize your health, your work, your family, and your personal life right now. Try to take the steps outlined here, and you’ll at least be on your way to getting to a better place. Contact me if you have any tips for working parents or anyone else during this time, and let’s help each other.