About four years ago, I wrote and published a book called Family 2.0. It was inspired by my realization that I was incredibly intentional about my business, but far less intentional when it came to my family. In the book, I brought up the idea of a four-day annual family retreat, and shared relationship tips and advice for working parents. I included a detailed plan for how families could apply business principles used in annual retreats in order to reboot and strengthen their family dynamics.
I’m glad to report that these yearly retreats have continued to serve me and my own family well. But, now that our girls are older, they’ve evolved a bit. So, here’s a look at our updated family retreat process, to give you some ideas to start your own.
Getting Everyone Involved
In the first version of the family retreat I outlined in the book, I covered a lot of great ideas for hands-on activities that kids in the six to 12 age range would enjoy. But if your kids are older and/or more mature than their peers, they might like to be more involved in the planning. Instead of my wife and I outlining all of the topics and activities our family would do, we now get the girls’ input in the earliest stages. Here’s how I recommend approaching it:
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Start Early
Get your family together at least six months before you’re thinking of taking your retreat. We always do ours during fall break, but choose a timeframe that works for you. Discuss places you want to go (that are pre-approved by you and your spouse, and therefore realistic). Ask each other what fun activities they’d like to do in a given destination, and what brings them joy.
- Identify Areas Of Improvement
Next, discuss areas of your family dynamics that could use some work. Invite your kids to talk about their concerns and wishes, and be open about yours. We approached this recently with our kids by saying, “Let’s talk about what a ‘10’ family looks like.” That helped us all get the conversation flowing in an aspirational context, rather than a negative one. Try to decide on four or fewer main topics, so you have a manageable amount of ground to cover during your time away.
Then, divide and conquer. If possible, give each person in your family one day of the retreat and one family topic to “own.” They can decide how your family will spend that day, and can even come up with meal ideas. They should also feel free to dream up an exercise or activity you can all do together to work through their given family topic. This gives each person some responsibility and ownership, helping them feel more engaged in – and excited about – the process.
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Help Each Other Out
Of course, all of this will vary based on the number and ages of people in your family. My eldest daughter had the topic of communication and came up with 15-20 questions she had each of us answer. Then later at dinner, we went around the table and she asked each of us to recall who had answered what to each question. It was such a valuable exercise, and showed us some areas in which we each needed to do work.
But, your younger kids may have trouble coming up with activities and exercises, so help them out! My youngest daughter had the topic of “trust” and was struggling to figure out how to approach it. I sat with her and we brainstormed some ideas, and she ended up creating a really cool trust exercise around a scavenger hunt concept that we all enjoyed.
Make sure to check in with all family members leading up to the actual retreat, so you have time to help them flesh out final ideas and get any supplies they need. Then, get ready to have some fun, learn more about one another and deepen your family relationships. I absolutely love this annual tradition, and can honestly say it’s transformed my family. I know it can do the same for yours.
Any ideas for a retreat like this, or questions you have? I’d love to hear from you.
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